35-year-old man springs a divorce onto his unsuspecting wife, she asks him to not adopt a new dog until she moves out, he instead tries to manipulate her into taking care of his new dog for him: 'He tried to make me feel guilty'

Author image for Mariel Ruvinsky
Mariel Ruvinsky • Writer and Editor
Jul 11, 2025 9:00 AM EDT

Breakups are hard. Breakups with dogs involved are harder. For obvious reasons. Your dog is like your child, custody has to go to someone, and not everyone is always happy with the deal. That's why stories of ex-boyfriends stealing dogs happen. And it's not just the men. We've seen ex-girlfriends steal their boyfriend's dogs too. It's rough when that happens, and we don't wish that on anyone, but exes can really be mean like that, and they always have their own agendas.

The ex-husband in this story certainly has some kind of an agenda. He divorced his wife suddenly, in a way that shocked her, and now that she's moving out of their shared home, he's unhappy with how long it's taking, and he wants to adopt a dog. Like- now, before his ex-wife moves out. Now, it's up to you to figure out why. Is he trying to encourage her to move faster? Is he just looking for a free pet-sitter during the most difficult months of adoption while he's working long hours?  

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  • 01

    "[Am I wrong] because I told my ex husband he can’t get a new dog until I move out?"

    "He wanted another dog so that he could have a dog that was just his."
    via Unsplash / Alexander Grey - sharonmccutcheon

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02
    So my (f31) ex husband (m33) just broke up in March of this year. I won't go into details about it but he sprung it on me quite suddenly.
    via helloiamsilver
  • 03
    We just bought a house together a little over a year ago and we've both been living there in the meantime while I look for a new place to live and our lawyers figure out the financial details. I'm not particularly attached to the house so I don't mind moving but it takes time.
    via helloiamsilver
  • 04
    I currently have one 14 year old chihuahua mix who was my dog before I met my ex husband so I will be keeping the dog with me. Ex loves dogs and spoke a lot about wanting to get another dog.
    via helloiamsilver
  • 05
    He even showed me specific other dogs he had been considering just a few weeks before he dumped me. He now tells me the one of the reasons he wanted another dog so bad was that he could have a dog that was just his.
    via helloiamsilver
  • 06
    He recently sent me a message asking if it would be okay for him to get another dog soon, while I'm still in the house. I told him no because he works quite a bit and I don't have a day job (I'm an artist) so I'd be the one at home all day taking care of this new dog.
    via helloiamsilver
  • 07
    I also said it was unfair to my dog to make him socialize with a new dog all of a sudden, especially since we won't be staying here. My dog is old and not super friendly to other dogs.
    via helloiamsilver
  • 08
    I do feel a little bad that ex still helps with my dog but him and my dog have lived together for like 8 years so of course my dog still loves him and asks for attention from him.
    via helloiamsilver
  • 09
    The dog doesn't know what's going on. It's also not like he needs very much care. Ex just gives him food in the morning and lets him outside a few times and lets him snuggle with him.
    via helloiamsilver
  • 10
    Ex said that he didn't expect this whole divorce/me moving out process to take so long and tried to make me feel guilty by saying a lot of the dogs he looks at are at shelters where they'll be put down soon if they're not adopted.
    via helloiamsilver
  • 11
    Am I the a hle for just telling him to wait and not look at new dogs until I'm gone?
    via helloiamsilver
  • 12
    Cheezburger Image 10525932032
    via Unsplash / Alexander Grey - sharonmccutcheon

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • You know what? We're so sorry that you have to be going through this. You don't deserve it. No one would. But… good riddance. If this is how this man acted on a day to day basis, then you are probably better off without that in your life anyway. 

  • 13
    Trevena_Ice NTA. Tell him if it takes too long for him, he can move out and get a new dog at the new l'place. You are trying to find new living conditions and when you moved, he can get a dog. But I think he should also look for a new place, as I don't think you want to gift him your part of the house or he will be able to buy you out.
    via Trevena_Ice
  • 14
    helloiamsilver OP Oh, he's definitely buying me out. Both of our parents helped us get the house so him and his parents will be giving me the money I'm owed from it before I leave.
    via helloiamsilver
  • 15
    04243G INFO: why is it taking you so long to find a place? You don't have a day job. Presumably you have the time to find a new house. Also, if you don't have a traditional job, why is your ex feeding your dog and taking them outside? Don't you have the time to do that?
    via 04243G
  • 16
    helloiamsilver OP I do most of the feeding and letting the dog out. He just does it in the morning since he's the one who wakes up earlier. I would be fine doing it but the dog is just used to his current routine so he asks for attention from ex.
    via helloiamsilver
  • 17
    As to why it's taking time, I just wasn't prepared for it. Also I'm unfortunately dealing with a lot of other life stressors. My mom was just diagnosed with cancer for the second time so that was my first priority for the first month or so. Her chemo is working and is now more stabilized so it's easier for me to look for a new place now. I want to move out but all of the divorce stuff takes time. He said he wanted a divorce and then I needed to find a lawyer, determine how we're splitting assets
    via helloiamsilver
  • 18
    Cheezburger Image 10525930752
    via Unsplash / Jessie Nelson

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • We hope this situation works out, and even if it doesn't, the only thing that you should not let that stop you from doing is moving out. Yes, you and your dog might not be the happiest with the new pup for a while, but whatever happens, you get out of there the moment you can.

  • 19
    Fair Theme_9388 NTA. He wants to get himself a dog now, while you're still living there, so you can help take care of it while it adjusts to its new home. He knows that if he waits until after you move out, he's going to have a harder time taking care of it on his own. while he works full-time. He's also obviously trying to make you feel guilty with the dogs in shelters comment.
    via Fair_Theme_9388
  • 20
    Prior_Butterfly_7839 This is it. He wants a dog to be his but wants OP to do all the training and socializing. If OP didn't have an elderly dog I could possibly see agreeing with the stipulation that soon to be ex takes time off work to settle the new dog, but with an elderly dog that doesn't like other dogs, he's just asking for unnecessary problems. If he's made it to 33 without his own dog another few months/year won't hurt him.
    via Prior_Butterfly_7839
  • 21
    Squeakhound NTA. It's okay for him to ask. It's okay for you to say no. His comments about shelter dogs being put down was manipulative, so that makes him TA. Whenever he does adopt, he will save that animal.
    via Squeakhound
  • 22
    aardvarkmom NTA. If he wants a new dog so badly and the divorce process is taking too long, he can move out.
    via aardvarkmom

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Tags

dogs manipulative wife husband doggo divorce story guilty moving out
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